Self-Leadership or Self-Obsession
The term Self-Care has taken on prominence in recent years. It’s now used as a reason for ending a romantic relationship, as the purpose in asking an employer for a day off, and as the main idea behind things like mindfulness and daily exercise. I know you’re wondering, so let me go ahead and get this out there: I believe in self-care and try to put it into practice in my own life. But I think we need to be honest about the motivation behind our self-care. I’ll ask it this way:
For you, is self-care about self-obsession or is it about self-leadership?
Any mission that has you at the center of it is a small mission. You were created for a grand mission, which means you have to give your life to something greater than yourself.
Self-leadership is not the same thing as self-obsession. Self-leadership takes care of the self for the sake of a larger purpose. Self-obsession is about everything in life being all about the self.
How do you know whether caring for yourself is more about self-obsession or self-leadership? Here are some great questions to help you assess which is true:
If you win, who else wins? When our children were very young, they weren’t always thrilled when Shauna and I would leave for a date night. I remember we’d tell them something like this, “If mom and dad get some time alone, it will make us better parents for you guys.” We knew that a date night could fill our cups so that we’d have more to give as parents. Make sure that taking better care of yourself leads to taking better care of others.
Is self-care only about you receiving or is it also positioning you to give? When I look at the life of Jesus and all of his demands, I’m amazed that he took so much time to be alone with God. But He never came out of these moments being focused only on himself. These times of solitude or self-care actually increased what he was able to offer to others. In Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster writes, “The fruit of solitude is increased sensitivity and compassion for others.” Prioritize self-care so that what happens in you will overflow into the lives of others.
Do you tend to ask, “What does this mean for me?” to everything or do you also ask, “What does this mean for them and the rest of the world?”
When we are self-focused, we make everything about us. I’ve spent way too much of my life doing this. I need to take care of my spiritual, emotional, and physical health - but not simply to enjoy life more. I know that the healthiest version of me can make the greatest difference in the lives of others. I also know that I need to do a good job in leading myself so that I can make my highest contribution to the world.
What are some ways you’ll practice self-care this week? And how will you make sure that self-care turns into self-leadership, rather than self-obsession?
